What You Say What People Hear
Below is a MRR and PLR article in category Society -> subcategory Relationships.
What You Say, What People Hear
Summary
Communication between partners often becomes confusing, and there's a good reason for this. The energy behind our words often carries more weight than the words themselves. What you say is frequently not what the other person hears.
The Role of Intention in Communication
The energy behind communication is guided by our intention. In many partner interactions, two main intentions drive conversation: either the intent to control or the intent to learn about oneself and the other person. These differing intentions often lead to confusion.
A Real-Life Example
During a counseling session with Joshua, he expressed frustration over his wife, Joan, getting upset over minor issues. A recent incident involved a book Joan was reading. When Joshua asked why Joan was reading it, she reacted irritably.
"Why did you ask about the book, Joshua?" I inquired.
"I was just curious."
"Look deeper. Did the book threaten you in some way?"
"Well, yes. It was about women and codependency."
"What was threatening about that?"
"I’m afraid of Joan pulling away from me."
"So, was your intent to control her or to learn about yourself and her?"
"Honestly, I wanted to control. My tone may have been blaming. Joan always says I try to control her, and I often dismiss it. But I think I was trying to control her."
"And she reacted to your controlling intent with irritation, right?"
"Right. So, how could I approach this differently?"
The Energy Behind Words
The words themselves matter less than the energy behind them. Asking, "Why are you reading that book?" can carry very different connotations. It can come from a place of blame or from genuine curiosity. Joan responded to the underlying blame, not the words themselves. This misunderstanding stems from your intention. If you hadn't felt threatened by the book, you might not have questioned her at all.
"Yes, I understand now. I've been trying to control her, and that's what she's reacting to?"not my words."
Shifting Intentions for Better Communication
Joshua began noticing his intent in interactions. Whenever Joan grew irritated or distant, he realized his intent was to control. Changing this was challenging, as this behavior had been ingrained throughout his life. However, he was motivated to change, knowing that his marriage was at stake. Joshua focused on caring for his own feelings rather than trying to change Joan.
As Joshua became more aware of his intention, he consciously shifted from controlling to learning to care for himself. This shift changed the energy of his conversations with Joan, improving their relationship. Joshua was thrilled with the deeper understanding and intimacy that developed between them.
You can find the original non-AI version of this article here: What You Say What People Hear.
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