Power Struggles Being Right or Being Loving
Below is a MRR and PLR article in category Society -> subcategory Relationships.
Power Struggles: Choosing Love over Being Right
Summary:
Mandy and Evan sought couples counseling due to constant bickering. Despite their deep love for each other, their arguments hindered their enjoyment of the relationship.Article:
Mandy and Evan turned to me for couples counseling because they couldn't stop bickering. Every small issue spiraled into a conflict, despite their genuine affection for each other. This pattern was obstructing their happiness together.
To understand what was happening, I asked them to share recent disputes. Their arguments ranged from time, money, and child-rearing to family and chores. Regardless of the topic, the dynamic remained the same: one would complain, the other would argue, explain, and defend. They were trapped in a cycle of defending their positions without truly listening or considering each other's feelings.
I call this a "control-resist" system. In this dynamic, one partner tries to assert control and be right, while the other resists, striving not to lose or be wrong. As long as they aimed to control or avoid being controlled, resolution was elusive.
While love existed between them, genuine care was missing in these conflicts. The urge to win eclipsed any nurturing feelings for one another.
At any given moment, I explained, you have the choice between controlling and learning. The issue is that both of you are choosing control, resulting in endless bickering. Mandy, let's try something different: listen to Evan’s concerns about the house. Approach it with care and see things through his perspective. Then, Evan will do the same for you.
As Mandy listened with genuine care and a desire to learn, she began to grasp Evan's frustration?"allowing him to feel truly heard. When Evan reciprocated by listening to Mandy’s perspective, they both discovered new ways to address the issue.
The focus on learning doesn't necessarily solve every problem immediately, but it inevitably leads to positive change. Fear often prevents people from truly listening, fearing they might lose themselves or appear weak. However, learning is about understanding both the other person and standing true to your own values without imposing them.
The intent to learn fosters compassion for both yourself and your partner. Prioritizing care over being right allows both partners to feel understood and appreciated.
Next time a conflict arises, ask yourself, "Am I trying to control, or am I willing to learn?" Even if your partner remains controlling, embracing compassionate learning will uncover new strengths and wisdom within you. This approach transcends winning or losing, helping you move past bickering by listening while standing confidently in your truth.
You can find the original non-AI version of this article here: Power Struggles Being Right or Being Loving.
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