Fear of Engulfment
Below is a MRR and PLR article in category Society -> subcategory Relationships.
Fear of Engulfment
Summary
Roger, a 33-year-old successful engineer, found himself on the brink of divorce. His marriage to Laura was crumbling, prompting Laura to demand they seek help or part ways. Feeling out of options, Roger reached out for assistance.
Article
Roger, a thriving 33-year-old engineer, faced a dilemma: his marriage was in jeopardy. His wife, Laura, had made it clear she'd had enough unless they sought help.
During their first session, Laura outlined her frustrations.
"Roger is never present, not for me, not for our daughter. He just does his own thing and ignores what others need. When I get upset, he completely withdraws, sometimes for days, leaving a tense energy in the house. I try to manage, but it's exhausting. If I ask for anything, he either refuses, procrastinates, or messes it up. I know he's competent at work, so why not at home? The only time he shows interest is when I pull back completely. I can’t live like this anymore!"
I asked Roger if he understood Laura's perspective.
"I know what she means, but it feels like she's always wanting something. I end up feeling criticized and trapped, so I shut down."
Do you feel the same now that she’s considering leaving?
"Oddly enough, no. When she mentioned leaving, my feelings for her came rushing back. It’s confusing."
I inquired about his upbringing. "Were your parents controlling?"
"Yes, my mother was incredibly controlling," Roger admitted, chuckling at the memory of resisting her.
Roger's fear of engulfment was evident. The moment someone wanted something from him, he resisted. It wasn’t about considering what he wanted or what was best; his priority was not being controlled. This mindset overshadowed his ability to love and connect.
While Laura had her controlling moments, she wasn’t the cause of Roger's resistance. He had been resisting since childhood, and without addressing this pattern, nothing Laura did would change him.
The core issue was Roger's lack of an adult perspective on what was best for him. He reacted like a child, automatically resisting requests, just as he did with his mother.
Ironically, Roger was not free from control; he was controlled by his own resistance. He needed to decide consciously what he wanted, rather than resist automatically.
Realizing he might lose Laura, Roger agreed to inner work. The first step was becoming aware of his resistance.
"Roger, try consciously choosing to resist instead of doing it automatically. Awareness is key. Are you willing to attempt this, or do you feel like resisting this too?"
Roger laughed, recognizing his urge to resist but chose to give it a try.
In a few months, Roger became more aware of his resistance, noticing it was no longer satisfying. Prioritizing love over resistance, Roger embarked on a healing journey.
You can find the original non-AI version of this article here: Fear of Engulfment.
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