5 Relationship Killers and How to Avoid Them
Below is a MRR and PLR article in category Society -> subcategory Relationships.
5 Relationship Killers and How to Avoid Them
Summary:
Don’t let your relationship falter. Discover five common relationship killers and learn how to address the underlying fears that cause them.
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As a relationship counselor with 37 years of experience, I've often been asked why so many relationships fail. I've identified five major relationship killers that frequently arise:
1. Controlling Behavior
Many people enter relationships with a deep fear of rejection. This fear can lead to controlling behaviors, which fall into two categories: overt and covert.
- Overt control: This includes obvious forms of attack like blaming, anger, rage, violence, judgment, criticism, and ridicule.
- Covert control: This is more subtle, involving compliance, enabling, withdrawal, defensiveness, lying, and denial.
Controlling behaviors create resentment and emotional distance, often bringing about the very rejection one seeks to avoid.
2. Resistance
Fear of being engulfed or controlled often leads to resistance. When one partner tries to control, the other may react with withdrawal, forgetfulness, procrastination, or numbness. This resistance is essentially an attempt to avoid being controlled, which results in a stagnant, frustrating relationship.
3. Neediness
Some individuals enter relationships expecting their partners to fill their emptiness, relieve their loneliness, and enhance their self-esteem. When people don't take responsibility for their own emotions and self-worth, they lean heavily on their partners, creating an imbalance.
4. Substance and Process Addictions
To fill an internal void and escape feelings of loneliness, many turn to addictions such as alcohol, drugs, food, gambling, or even excessive work and internet use. These behaviors not only harm the person but also shut out their partner, creating further distance.
5. Focusing on Your Partner’s Faults
People often notice their partner’s flaws while remaining oblivious to their own. This could mean recognizing a partner’s withdrawal but ignoring one’s own judgmental tendencies, or seeing a partner’s anger but not one’s own tendency to comply. Focusing solely on the partner’s issues prevents real change.
Resolving Relationship Killers
The core of these issues is fear?"fear of inadequacy, rejection, failure, and engulfment. To overcome these fears, cultivate a loving and responsible sense of self. Learn to meet your own needs and define your self-worth internally.
Start by redirecting focus from your partner’s faults to your own growth. Consider exploring resources like the free Inner Bonding course, which provides practical steps for personal responsibility and healing. By doing so, you can transform controlling and needy behaviors and foster a healthier relationship dynamic.
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