The Dead End Of Resistance
Below is a MRR and PLR article in category Self Improvement -> subcategory Time Management.
The Dead End of Resistance
Jimmy had spent years in therapy but still felt numb and empty. Seeking change, he came to me, hoping that the Inner Bonding process I teach would help him move past his stuck state.
Quickly, I realized that Jimmy was trapped by his resistance to taking responsibility for himself. His main goal was to gain approval from others, always playing the nice guy in hopes of receiving praise. Internally, however, he was highly self-critical, echoing the judgments of his parents.
This self-judgment led to an internal power struggle that left him immobilized. Additionally, a controlling religious background had caused deep wounds, leading to resentment toward God and resistance to connecting with a Higher Power. Jimmy avoided close relationships out of fear of being controlled. Though his loneliness was often overwhelming, the desire to remain unrestrained outweighed his feelings of isolation and emptiness.
Resistance arises when avoiding control by others, God, or your inner self becomes more crucial than loving yourself and taking responsibility for your self-worth. As long as resisting control remains your primary focus, you’ll stay stuck. Only when the desire to be loving to yourself and others surpasses the fear of being controlled can you overcome resistance.
When I highlighted Jimmy’s controlling and resistant behavior, he was taken aback. To him, a controlling person was dominating and demanding. He saw himself as a nice guy, not realizing that his actions were also a form of control.
"Jimmy, just because you're not angry or demanding doesn't mean you're not controlling. Aren't you trying to control how others perceive you by being nice? Aren't you seeking approval? And when you constantly explain yourself to others, trying to show how nice you are, aren't you attempting to control their feelings about you?"
This realization shocked Jimmy. He equated control with the overt behaviors of his parents and didn't recognize his covert methods. As long as his behavior aimed at drawing attention and approval?"which he equated with love?"he was engaged in control while resisting being controlled.
It was difficult for Jimmy to accept this because he viewed being controlling negatively and resisted acknowledging his intent.
"Jimmy, until you stop judging yourself for choices originating from your wounded self, you won't understand what causes your pain and keeps you stuck. We all have a wounded self that seeks control and resists being controlled. We've all adopted different ways to gain love, avoid pain, and feel safe. While these behaviors were necessary as a child, they now cause you pain. Instead of judging your controlling and resistant behavior, open yourself to understanding it. Judgment is another form of control, and as long as you focus on resisting control, your self-judgment keeps you locked in."
Jimmy took a deep breath. He felt a sense of relief at the possibility of letting go of self-judgment and starting to take responsibility for himself rather than relying on others.
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