Control Helplessness and Love
Below is a MRR and PLR article in category Self Improvement -> subcategory Coaching.
Control, Helplessness, and Love
Summary
In my 35 years counseling individuals, couples, families, and business partners, I've found that our urge to control stems from a desire to avoid feeling helpless. Helplessness is one of the most difficult emotions to confront, and many of us resist recognizing where we are powerless. Understanding this dynamic offers profound insights into personal growth and healthier relationships.
Understanding Control in Relationships
Many of us use control to hide from the uncomfortable feeling of helplessness in relationships. We resist acknowledging our lack of control over other people's feelings and actions. For instance, we can't dictate whether someone chooses to be loving or judgmental toward us.
If we truly accepted this helplessness, would we still get angry or judgmental? Would we blame others or hide behind niceness instead of honesty? Recognizing that we cannot force love and acceptance might prevent us from exhausting ourselves in proving our worth to others.
Approval is Not Love
Sometimes, we mistake approval for love, believing we can control getting love through manipulation or compliance. However, genuine love is freely given without conditions. While we might gain temporary attention and approval by trying to control others, it rarely brings lasting fulfillment.
Breaking Free from Core Shame
Overcoming controlling behaviors and deep-seated beliefs of inadequacy happens naturally once we accept our powerlessness over others’ choices and actions. Core shame?"the belief of being inherently unworthy?"creates an illusion of control. We tell ourselves if we become “good enough,” we can earn love. This false notion tricks us into thinking we are to blame for others' unloving behavior.
Embracing Personal Power
Paradoxically, accepting our helplessness over others reveals our true power. Once we understand we cannot control others' love or care, we learn to address our own feelings and needs. This shift moves us from being victims to being in charge of our own lives, where our power truly lies.
Imagine trying this for one week: remind yourself daily of your helplessness over others’ feelings and actions. You might be surprised by how liberating it feels.
Self-Care is Personal Responsibility
By accepting our limits and focusing on self-care, we release energy previously spent trying to control others. Many think self-care is selfish, but it’s actually about taking responsibility for our own well-being. Making others responsible for our worth only perpetuates victimhood.
The Challenge of Accepting Helplessness
The fear of helplessness often roots back to infancy, when our survival depended on others’ care. Many of us have experienced the terror of crying without receiving attention. These early life events forge a deep-seated fear of helplessness, prompting many to avoid it at all costs, even as adults.
However, in adulthood, we’re capable of caring for ourselves. We won’t perish if someone ignores us; we can find nourishment and support independently. Yet, many still react to helplessness as a life-threatening situation, resorting to controlling behaviors or addictions for comfort.
Moving Beyond Control and Addiction
The first step in overcoming controlling and addictive behaviors is to recognize feelings of helplessness. When you feel it, rather than pushing it away, embrace it as you would comfort a scared child. Bringing love to these feelings will reveal they are not as daunting as they seem. Feel the surrounding love and let it heal the parts of you that feel scared and alone.
By continuously practicing this, you move away from victimhood, stepping into personal strength and an improved ability to love yourself and others.
You can find the original non-AI version of this article here: Control Helplessness and Love.
You can browse and read all the articles for free. If you want to use them and get PLR and MRR rights, you need to buy the pack. Learn more about this pack of over 100 000 MRR and PLR articles.