Pat Robertson Confesses God Upset With Him Tells Him He Lost His Mind
Below is a MRR and PLR article in category Arts Entertainment -> subcategory Humor.
Pat Robertson Shares a Divine Revelation Gone Awry
In a surprising twist, televangelist Pat Robertson appeared visibly shaken on his TV show after reporting that God had predicted tsunami-like storms would hit the U.S. this year. Robertson disclosed another divine message he found hard to accept: “Pat, you’ve lost your mind,” God told him.
Stunned, Robertson asked why God would think such a thing of him. God queried, "Did you really say I told America to assassinate Hugo Chavez?"
“Yes, I did,” Robertson confessed.
“And did you claim I said I’d send devastating storms to America’s coastlines?”
“Yes,” Robertson admitted again.
God then challenged, “If I’m the benevolent being people expect, why would I say such things?”
“You mean, you didn’t say them?” Robertson asked, perplexed.
“No way!” God exclaimed. “I have a reputation to protect. Regarding Chavez, I actually suggested America invite him to Washington for talks.”
“You did?” Robertson replied, swallowing hard.
“Yes, and about the storms, I decided Katrina was enough destruction for now.”
“Really?”
“Indeed, Pat. But you completely misheard every message. Since I know you’d prefer to serve me faithfully, I’m afraid you’ve lost your mind.”
Robertson continued, sharing with his captivated audience how God’s words gave him pause. He promised to listen more carefully in the future, but God was too upset.
“I appreciate your intentions, Pat, but my reputation is too damaged,” God said. The most difficult revelation followed: “Pat, I won’t speak to you directly anymore.”
“No, God, please,” Robertson pleaded. “I’ll listen with all my heart and mind.”
“I know you mean well,” God responded. “But our next conversation will be at the Pearly Gates. I need someone who can get the story right. However, if you follow my instructions, I’ll forgive any past misinterpretations. If you think I’ve spoken to you again, tell yourself it’s made up. Do you understand, Pat?”
“Yes, God,” Robertson replied. “I apologize for any unintended harm to your reputation.”
“Good, Pat,” God replied, extending His hand. “I look forward to seeing you again in ten or twenty years.”
“Thanks, Your Worship, see you then,” Robertson said, as they shook hands before God vanished.
To his loyal audience, Robertson concluded, “That’s it, folks. No more proclamations about what God told me. I’ve received the message: I’m out of personal communication with the Infinite. From now on, I’m just as much a part of this world as you all are.
And I’m sure this decision means God loves us more than ever. So, please consider donating more generously.”
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