Just Say No To Sex. Dr. Coburn Shows You How Installment 1
Below is a MRR and PLR article in category Arts Entertainment -> subcategory Humor.
Just Say No to Sex: Dr. Coburn's Guide (Installment 1)
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Just Say No to Sex: Dr. Coburn's Guide (Installment 1)Summary
"Excellent, Dan! See you today for your first class," Dr. Richard Coburn cheerfully told Dan Fox, the university's star football player, who had just signed up for Coburn’s provocative abstinence course based on his bestselling book, Just Say No to Sex. Dan, a favorite among the girls, had surprised the confident doctor with his call.As Dr. Coburn hung up, his delightful daughter, who was also his top student, returned from class. She waved goodbye to a group of male admirers calling from a convertible.
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This extended spoof unfolds over 10 installments of four pages each. This first installment will be followed by previous ones on the site, in case you miss any."Excellent, Dan! See you today for your first class," Dr. Coburn told the university's star football player, Dan Fox, who had just registered for Coburn's bold abstinence course, inspired by his bestselling book, Just Say No to Sex. Despite Dan's popularity among girls, his call had surprised the ever-confident doctor.
As Dr. Coburn hung up, his lovely daughter and prized student returned from class, pausing only to wave at a cheerful group of admirers in a passing convertible.
"Hi, bye!" she called, slightly worn out from fending off hopeful suitors. "Hi, Daddy!" she said, giving him a kiss on the cheek.
"Hello, Mel," he replied. "Another day with your admirers?"
"Sorry, I can't make them stop," she said, handing him a bag from the bookstore. "Here's a present, Daddy."
"What is it?"
"A copy of your new book."
"But, child, I've got copies by the boxful for the rush of students I anticipate."
"But this one's special," she said. "Look inside."
He opened it, and she pointed. "See, I wrote you a note."
"Why, thank you, Melanie," he said, reading aloud, "To Daddy. Thanks to you and your wonderful method, I'll never procreate or contract a sexually transmitted disease. Love, Mel."
Touched, he said, "Ah, my sweet Melanie, your life will be a beacon of hope for those who understand the value of my program. I should autograph a copy for Dr. Ernst. She'll be by soon."
"Dr. Ernst? She always ridicules your work."
"Oh, she’s irked that the solution to overpopulation and AIDS came from sociology, not her medical school."
"She shouldn't talk about your method like that."
After chuckling, Dr. Coburn assured, "Given how my book is flying off the shelves, I doubt anything she says matters. Who knows? Perhaps she'll offer congratulations."
Melanie sighed, "More people will realize how important your work is, and then they’ll be like me, clueless why people do what they do."
"I wonder why they do it, too, Melanie. Guess who called? Reader's Digest."
"Really?"
"They're considering an excerpt."
"That's amazing! Congratulations!"
"Thank you, dear. With media attention, I might transcend academic chatter. Soon, there’ll be Coburn Clubs for Sexual Abstinence everywhere."
"I'm so proud, Daddy!"
"Thank you, Mel. With my approach, can sex survive? For humanity's sake, I hope not."
The doorbell rang. "Ah, Dr. Ernst is here. Would you get the door, Melanie?"
"Sure, Daddy," she said, and opened it. "Hi, Dr. Ernst, my dad's expecting you."
"Thank you, Melanie," she replied.
"Good afternoon, Dr. Ernst," Dr. Coburn greeted her.
"Hello, Richard," she responded coolly.
"Would you like tea?" Melanie asked.
"No, thank you," Dr. Ernst replied. "I dined at the university cafeteria, which both satisfies and destroys appetite."
Melanie excused herself for abstinence training. "Think of Texaco or Mexico," she reminded herself.
"She's extraordinary," Dr. Coburn enthused, inviting Dr. Ernst to sit.
He offered her an autographed book. She placed it on her lap.
"Aren’t you going to read it?"
"I already have,” she said, “The inscription, I mean.”
She opened the cover. "Thank you, Richard."
"So, what do you think?"
"It has aroused?""
"Aroused?" he teased. "Careful with words to avoid untoward associations."
"Richard, it's impossible to exclude every word with a sexual undercurrent."
"Verbal rectitude is essential. Small intimation leads to much more."
"Your book has raised serious concerns at the medical school."
"You’re saying something without merit is threatening my Nobel prospects?"
"We call it Coburn's Folly."
"Folly? Do you think I developed my method without empirical support? It comes from witnessing social issues and tragedies like AIDS," he passionately argued. "It's the remedy our world needs."
"We’re concerned your view could reduce funding for genuine education and research."
"My program offers more than persiflage!"
"No, it’s ineffectual. We need real solutions backed by evidence, Richard."
"Our discourse should maintain standards."
"Richard, I heard you mention ‘intercourse.’"
"My mistake. But your remarks unsettle me."
"You sound like an overconfident loudmouth."
Touched yet irked, he responded, "My method addresses human survival. Why can’t you see its importance?"
"We need evidence-based hope, not empty promises."
"Oh, Priscilla, my method harnesses willpower?"a natural, ethical solution."
"I knew you in our youth. Are you sure of your self-denial?"
"In my youth, straying wasn’t unusual. Now, my resistance is unassailable."
"How long since your wife left with the gardener?"
"Three years, without desire."
"You've become a cold potato," she commented, reflecting on her solitude.
"Melanie is proof of my method's success."
"You've restrained her development."
"I’ve empowered her against hormonal impulses," he insisted proudly.
"Will it work on lifelong libertines?"
"I’ve got a list of students signed up since the book’s launch."
"Did they sign up for fun?"
You can find the original non-AI version of this article here: Just Say No To Sex. Dr. Coburn Shows You How Installment 1 .
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