Just Say No To Sex. Dr. Coburn Shows You How
Below is a MRR and PLR article in category Arts Entertainment -> subcategory Humor.
Just Say No To Sex: Dr. Coburn’s Guide
Word Count: 2148
Summary:
(An extended satire presented in 10 installments, each consisting of four pages. This is the fourth installment, with previous ones included for any missed sections.)
"But before we proceed," Dr. Coburn told Dan, "let me highlight that you have an entire arsenal of defensive words at your disposal."
How so?
"Consider the words I shared. What comes to mind with Tyrannosaurus Rex?"
"Fossils," Dan cautiously replied.
"Good. And?"
"Bones."
"Excellent! Now, Texaco?"
"Gasoline."
"And Mexico?"
"Taco?" Dan guessed.
"Perfect!"
"Oh, I get it. Taco, burrito, old bones, gasoline, self-service!"
"Exactly! The principle here is that the core words of your defense system have related associations that you can use when needed."
"Wow, this makes me feel empowered! I could come up with associations all night!"
"Good. But these words are just your initial defense line. Now, we’ll delve into the deeper Coburn Method, leading us to my rock-solid Axioms of Abstinence. Ready to continue?"
"I'm ready."
"Great! Let’s start with Axiom Ten."
"Why not start with one?" Dan asked.
"Excellent question! You won’t be tempted in numerical order, right? You must think of any axiom at any time. So, I teach them as randomly as the chaos of desire itself. Capisce?"
"Wow, you’ve thought of everything."
"And indeed I have! Now, Axiom Ten: Winking leads to interest. Interest leads to intimacy. Therefore, avoid winking. Repeat that."
"Winking leads to interest. Interest leads to intimacy. Therefore, winking must be avoided!"
"Perfect! You're doing great!"
"Thank you, sir. Can I ask a question?"
"Go ahead."
"Are there exceptions to your axioms?"
"Dan, an axiom is absolute. Coburn's Axioms of Abstinence are as firm as a railroad track. Follow them, and you'll reach your destination. The world needs to board Coburn’s train to travel to a land of bliss with moderate, healthy populations. Otherwise, we’re doomed to chaos, with the reckless masses facing disease and starvation."
"Don’t you think people might deviate?"
"Some might, but we must focus on the ideal. Despite occasional deviations, Coburn's Method will prevail. It's driven by necessity, the force that guides tough decisions. My approach will succeed, or we face a world collapsing from overpopulation."
"Really?"
"Yes! Imagine a sex-induced mass extinction! Consider this example: years ago, I owned a summer place with a trout pond. In spring, the trout thrived. But in summer, they suffocated due to overpopulation. I learned a crucial lesson about environmental limits and the dangers of overpopulation."
"That’s truly sad."
"Indeed, it taught me the fragility of our environment and the need for ethical restraint in reproduction, essential to prevent diseases like HIV."
"I hope your method succeeds universally."
"Thank you, Dan. I appreciate that. My method is the only solution. Can we rely on condoms alone? No! The answer lies in the human mind, empowered by my method. No scientific breakthrough needed?"just the power to say no! Say no to arousal! And we know what arousal leads to, right?"
"What, Dr. Coburn?"
"Coburn's Fifth Axiom of Abstinence: Arousal leads to contact. Contact leads to sex. Avoid arousal."
"You know your material. How can I avoid arousal? It’s instinctive."
"Precisely why I devised Coburn's Forty-Seventh Axiom."
At that moment, Melanie entered to check on Dan’s progress.
"Right on time, Melanie. Share a way to avoid arousal."
"I was just leaving."
"Before you go, recite the forty-seventh axiom."
"Do I have to?"
"Please, for Daddy."
"All right. Attraction leads to familiarity. Familiarity leads to arousal. Therefore, attraction must be avoided."
"Excellent, Melanie!"
"Good job!" Dan praised. "I can’t wait to learn this well."
"You must be kidding," she retorted.
"Melanie, give him a chance."
"That’s all I ask," Dan said.
"That’s what you need. Soon, you’ll know how to say no to the entire gamut of sexual enchantment. Let’s call it a day. See you tomorrow, same time?"
"Tomorrow?"
"Early stages require immersion."
"I’ll be here. I want to progress fast."
"Good."
"Goodbye, Daddy."
"Melanie, can I walk with you?" Dan offered.
"No, Dan," Dr. Coburn intervened. "It’s premature; walking can lead to touching."
"What does walking lead to?" Dan asked.
"Touching, you fool!" Melanie left in a huff.
Dan kept his promise, attending lessons on time. Melanie seemed uneasy.
"Daddy, don’t let him in!" she pleaded one day.
"Why, child? Are you feeling attraction?"
"For him? Never!"
"Then consider him just another pupil."
"Everyone’s mocking me."
"How so?"
"They’re saying I can’t possibly be a virgin anymore."
"What nonsense! Once they see Dan’s change, they'll know he’s not interested in such matters."
"Sure, they will," she sighed. "They think he’s here for one reason."
"Time will dispel that."
"Will it?"
"Melanie, don’t doubt my method."
"I’m sorry, Daddy. But he has a reputation for..."
"No need to go into detail. After today’s lesson, you can test him. See how far he’s come."
"Daddy, I can’t."
"You can. If he falters, he’s out."
"Promise?"
"Unconditionally. It’ll boost your confidence in my method and clear any misconceptions your friends have."
"All right, Daddy."
"I’ll call you when ready," he reassured, and hugged her.
He went to the door.
End of Fourth Installment
You can find the original non-AI version of this article here: Just Say No To Sex. Dr. Coburn Shows You How .
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