Bat Ejection Techniques Country Survival Course 27
Below is a MRR and PLR article in category Arts Entertainment -> subcategory Humor.
Bat Ejection Techniques: Country Survival Course #27
Summary
If you're considering a move to the countryside, mastering Bat Ejection Techniques (BET) is essential. Real estate agents won’t tell you about the bat invasions that plague the heartland, fearing property values would plummet. Amidst this denial, a cover-up flourishes. However, one former city dweller is ready to reveal the truth.Keywords
bats, country life, mammals, rural relocation, humor, satire, wildlife, natural history---
Article Body
People often romanticize rural living, but they seldom mention the bats. Friends claim it never happens to them?"liars! I’ve encountered bats in every country home I've owned, no matter the style or location. I'll believe bats aren’t a reality of rural life only when pigs fly.
One of my sisters, always ready to tease, claims I attract bats like moths to a flame. While I could retaliate by revealing her age, I'm too mature for such antics. Instead, I’m here to share a vital rural skill: Bat Ejection Technique (BET).
Lesson 1: Why BET?
Everyone living in the countryside should master BET. Real estate agents hide the bat problem to avoid crashing property values. This secrecy leads to rampant misinformation, like burning copies of "Bat Removal for Dummies" at BBQs. Without proper training, newcomers (or "City Idiots") might resort to harmful methods, like swatting bats with brooms. But if newbies flee back to cities, I’ll be left alone. So, let's dive in.
Lesson 2: History of the BET
Bats tend to invade in pairs?"perhaps one holds the door while the other flies in. Early techniques relied on Zero Interference Technique (ZIT), which involved opening doors and windows and waiting. However, ZIT is ineffective:
1. Bats seldom leave as easily as they enter.
2. Cold drafts rush in.
3. Bats often appear late at night, ruining your sleep.
Lesson 3: Modernization
Some newcomers try a proactive approach, using blankets to herd bats outside?"a method we’ll call Comforter Herding Ejection Technique (CHET). This requires two people, but:
1. Bats fly around, not into, the blanket.
2. Partners may panic and abandon ship.
3. Onlookers see only the chaotic scene, not the bat, making you look ridiculous.
Lesson 4: BET Evolution
The third bat invasion of my second year in the country was a turning point. While doing dishes, I heard a bat above me. Using a plate to cover a stoneware rim, I carried the bat outside. Successful, I felt triumphant?"until I realized there was a second one. Lesson learned: bats always come in twos.
Lesson 5: BET Mastery
Two key insights emerged that morning. First, generic dish soap is ineffective. Second, a stationary bat is easiest to catch. My Great Pyrenees, Samuel, had demonstrated this wisdom before by pinning a bat under his paw. His brilliance confirmed my new technique.
BET Summary
1. Arm yourself with a teacup or aquarium net and a saucer.
2. Wait for the bat to land.
3. Enclose the bat with the cup or net.
4. Slide a saucer or magazine underneath.
5. Take it outside.
With practice, you'll be back in bed before anyone notices. You can BET on it!
You can find the original non-AI version of this article here: Bat Ejection Techniques Country Survival Course 27.
You can browse and read all the articles for free. If you want to use them and get PLR and MRR rights, you need to buy the pack. Learn more about this pack of over 100 000 MRR and PLR articles.