Al-Qaeda in Iraq Announces New Leader. Or Do They
Below is a MRR and PLR article in category Arts Entertainment -> subcategory Humor.
Al-Qaeda in Iraq Announces New Leader?"Or Do They?
Summary:
Following the unexpected demise of its leader, Abu Musab al-Zarqawi, Al-Qaeda in Iraq scrambled to appoint a successor. After polling its unsettled members, they found a reluctant volunteer to step into the likely short-lived role.
Keywords:
humor, comedy, satire, political satire, laugh, joke, news, spoof
Article Body:
In the aftermath of Abu Musab al-Zarqawi's sudden death, Al-Qaeda in Iraq faced the daunting task of appointing a new leader. The organization conducted a poll among its members, many of whom were understandably shaken. Eventually, they persuaded a hesitant terrorist to accept the position, despite the anticipated brevity of his tenure.
The new leader, introduced in an amateurish webcast, appeared flanked by fellow terrorists dressed in standard black head coverings. Shakily, he introduced himself as Abu Hamza al-Muhajer.
Using the overused, heavily religious rhetoric typical of terrorists, al-Muhajer vowed to avenge al-Zarqawi's death and pledged to continue what they deem a holy war against both their own people and those they derogatorily refer to as "crusaders."
"Don't be fooled by the joy of killing our Sheikh Abu Musab, may God bless his soul," he declared. "He left behind lions." To emphasize his point, he held up an uncooked shish-kabob, taking a bite of raw lamb as if to prove his steadfastness. "They believe in their ideology, and they fight only for God."
Apparently, the group had to dig deep to find another willing volunteer, one so obscure that even seasoned analysts had never heard of him. A few days after the announcement, his identity was finally determined. His photo-ID was promptly taken to a U.S. firing range for target practice.
Silence reigned until a few days later, when another lesser-known terrorist released a tape, claiming he was the one who truly deserved to be in the crosshairs.
Whoever the new leader might be, should he be captured alive, he could be sent for a re-education in religious ideology?"assuming a suitable enlightened mosque could be found. There, he could learn the sobering reality that if, as he asserts, there is only one true God, even the so-called crusaders are children of that same deity. Such a God might be less inclined to reward them with paradise and more likely to offer a far warmer welcome elsewhere for their violent deeds.
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